ECW Review 11-18-08

Yes, I'm doing a recap of ECW, so make your smarmy comments to yourself and let's be on our way. Someone has to do it.

We're joined at the top by WWE's most entertaining tag team since the heyday of Edge and Christian: John Morrison and The Miz. And they immediately embarrass me by giving a lackluster promo that makes fun of their opponents and partners for Survivor Series. I know neither of these guys has the charisma of The Rock, but part of what made Rocky so special was the freedom to do his own material, not recite a canned speech from the writing team. Anyway, they are going to embarrass Shawn Michaels on their way to becoming the greatest two superstars (entertainers, boys!) in WWE history. Miz? No. Morrison? Maybe...

D.J. Gabriel (with Alicia Fox)v. Some Guy. I think this is T.J. Wilson from FCW, but I'm not sure. Matt Striker buries Gabriel right out of the gate by comparing him to that amazing money-drawing machine Alex Wright. Gabriel hits a leg sweep, bodyslam, and elbow, all while dancing in between. Fireman's carry slam into an armbar for Gabriel, as I start to wonder how he has that body in the era of WELLNESS! Speaking of bodies, Alicia needs a new outfit, because the one she has on doesn't flatter, and she really has no other skills at this point besides looking good. Some guy fights back, but gets hit with another legsweep and a European uppercut (because D.J. is European I guess). Flying European Uppercut finishes the match. * for accomplishing what it set out to do: Introduce the new guy. Gabriel and Fox dance as I wonder, looking at his physique, if he was brought up just so they could suspend him ala Harry Smith and Dolph Ziggler.

5 Minute Challenge Match: Jack Swagger v. Tommy Dreamer. As long as Swagger isn't asked to cut another 10 minute promo, we should be fine.We're judging this on points, and Swagger gets 2 by taking down and riding Dreamer. Rinse/repeat and Swagger is up by 4, but Tommy "escapes" (even though Swagger "let him go") and he's on the board, 4-1. Another takedown for 6-1, and I start hoping that I'll get a TNA moment, and this match will be interrupted by soft-core porn. Tommy escapes for 6-2. Is this over yet? No, I have three more minutes? *sigh*. Swagger's arrogance is fun though, and it costs him as he takes his eyes off of Tommy for a takedown and 6-4. Jack is pissed and takes Tommy down for 8-4. Escape point for Dreamer makes it 8-5. Swagger goes down the the ref position, and we all see where this is going as Tommy kicks him in the ribs and hits the DDT for the DQ. DUD.

Ricky Ortiz and Generic Blond Chick #236 are interrupted by an angry Jack Swagger who's looking for Teddy Long. Swagger and Ortiz engage in some horrific trash-talking. Teddy saves the segment and makes Jack Swagger v. Tommy Dreamer in an extreme rules match for next week.

Matt Striker explains the rules of Survivor Series, because when we give up on our adult audience and market to children, that's what we have to do.

Mark Henry, Cody Rhodes, and William Regal v. Kofi Kingston, Finlay, and Matt Hardy. Does it bother anyone else that the tag team champions never wrestle or even talk with each other? Finlay and Regal to start, as I'm finally excited for this show 46 minutes in. Regal does a ridiculous bump off of Finaly's right hand and tags Cody. Finlay tags in Hardy, who gets some right hands and an elbow on Rhodes. Bodyslam for Cody, and Matt nails Mark Henry to draw everybody into the ring as we go to break. Back in, and it's Rhodes and Kingston. Monkeyflip into the corner by Kingston is countered by an elbow, as Regal is brought in to work the arm. Reversal brings in Finlay, and I'm amazed at the exaggerated way Regal sells for him. They continue to reverse each other's offense, as Matt Striker put them on a list of UK greats along with Rollerball Rocco and Marty Jones. Grisham of course has no idea who they are, so he just ignores the comment. Finlay to the top, but gets pushed off by Regal and Rhodes gets tagged in. Striker brings up the fact that William used to be Steve Regal, not to be confused with "Mr. Electricity". Um, Matt? The audience is made up of 13 year-olds, and only 3% of them get WWE 24/7. I think we're safe on the confusion front. Finlay starts to fight back, but Henry gets tagged in and I start to fall asleep. Usual Henry offense, complete with stomps, clubbing forearms, and nerve pinches. Finlay fights up, but is met with a boot and Regal's back in. Kick/punch/knee gets two, and Regal slaps on a full nelson. Matt Striker's knowledge of wrestling history never ceases to amaze me. Too bad he works for a company that really doesn't care about wrestling history. Finlay sunset flip is countered by a Regal headbutt, and Bill gets two. Suplex into a pin is broken up by Matt Hardy, and Rhodes gets tagged in. Finlay meets him with a clothesline, and it's hot tag Kingston. Flying bodypress leads to the usual offensive flurry from Kingston, and his double legdrop gets two before Regal saves. Matt Hardy counters Regal, and Henry (rather sloppily) tags himself in. Kingston hits Henry with a series of kicks, but another bodypress gets turned into the World's Strongest Slam and that is all. Decent enough tag match to set up Survivor Series. **

A typical ECW episode. Largely skippable, but they highlighted all the right stuff for the PPV, and any time I get to see Finlay v. Regal, I'm a pretty happy guy.